Cheaters & Infidelity

Do men really cheat on their spouses more than women do—or do they just get caught more often?  Men have always been the ones who are tagged as the “cheaters”—but today the genders are almost equally unfaithful—23% for men and 19% for women according to a professor of family relations at a University in Ontario.

The reasons for infidelity differ.  For women it’s sexual incompatibility and money that makes  a woman more likely to cheat.  And because men are easily aroused and more responsive to flirting, they are more likely to stray.

It is always assumed that people cheat with someone better looking than their current partner. This may not actually be true, according to survey by Victoria Milan, a dating site for married people looking to have an affair. The website polled over 4,000 of their members and found that most people using the site consider their significant others to be more attractive than their affair partners.

Interestingly, the men polled said they consider their significant others superior to their affair partners in other ways as well. Only 30 percent of men cheated with women younger than their current partners, and only a quarter of the men found their mistresses more interesting or more in shape than their partners.

So why cheat at all? Men admitted that they found their mistresses to be more passionate, better listeners and more caring than their significant others.

Over half of the females polled also found their significant others to be more attractive than their affair partners, but 50 percent said their lovers were in better shape. Similar to the men polled, women reported that the person they were having an affair with listen better and are more passionate than their man at home. And a whopping 89.6 percent of the women indicated that the man they’re cheating with makes them feel more appreciated than their significant other.

Some reasons men cheat are that they no longer find their spouse attractive, boredom, a need to escape, and they couldn’t resist the other woman. Same goes for women who cheat. Infidelity is usually more a symptom of bigger issues.

Credit After Your Divorce

Every woman should be establishing her OWN credit from the day she gets married—if not before.  You should have at least two credit cards—an American Express and a bank Visa or Mastercard that are in your name only—no way linked to your husband.  You should also have at least one or two department store credit cards.  Make little purchases every month and pay them off on time to establish credit in your name.  You should have your own checking and savings/money market and a stock account,  also in your name only—not tied to your husband in any way.

If possible you should also have a piece of property in your name only.  At the very least, any piece of property you buy with your husband (house or apartment, for example) should be in both of your names, with “Right of Survivorship.”

Your name should be on some of your household accounts, like the electricity, gas, phone and cable. All these are so important in case a divorce should happen to you.  This will help you establish your own credit (it is very difficult to get credit as a divorced woman), and keep your husband from canceling your credit cards, bank accounts, shutting off the electricity, etc. and leaving you helpless and vulnerable.

You have to think ahead and protect yourself every way you can.  If a divorce doesn’t happen to you, you’ll still be better off having established your own credit. Unfortunately, sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and a divorce happens when you least expect it.

Divorce Or Not To Divorce…

To divorce or not to divorce, that is the question!  Many women ask themselves this question when they find out their husband has been cheating on them.  Being the good wife and standing by a cheating husband is not what women want to do anymore.  This despicable behavior is all too common and accepted in our society.

Why don’t men understand that staying faithful is smart and sexy?  Why don’t men understand that straying when you’re a married man is exhibiting a lack of character?  When are men going to think about what they are doing to their families and keep it in their pants!

Unfortunately, there is a double standard in our society.  What’s good for the male is not good for the female.  The only place a husband is going to feel it is in his bank account.  Every woman must be prepared for divorce—just in case.  “The Divorce Survival Guide for Women” will prepare you  “just in case.” www.preparefordivorce.com

Divorce Is As Devastating As The Death Of A Parent

Marriage is an emotional, physical, and financial commitment that we make to a person that is supposed to last forever.  The dissolution of a marriage, divorce, is like a death.  It is as emotionally devastating as the death of a parent. It is the death of your relationship. In coping with divorce, you should treat the divorce emotionally the same way you would grieve for someone who died.

• Consider counseling if you feel you need help with the emotional aspects of divorce and the changes it will bring to your life;

• Consider a support group for yourself and your children if you are the parent who has custody;

• Be careful about making major decisions immediately after the divorce or separation;

• Take care of yourself, do little things to pamper yourself;

• Do not be afraid to feel badly.  Some depression is normal—but be careful not to share your negative feelings with your children.  You should seek professional help if you feel it is getting out of control;

• Avoid over indulging in drugs, alcohol, or food;

• Take the time to accept your part in what caused your relationship to fail.  It is rare for one person to be solely at fault in a divorce.  Forgive yourself and work on forgiving your spouse.  Trying to take some of the anger out of the situation will help you deal with details that have to be taken care of in finalizing a divorce.

Although coping with divorce is devastating, not all aspects of a divorce have to be negative.  Consider the divorce as an opportunity to rediscover yourself.  Take time to do things that you may have enjoyed doing but stopped doing because your spouse did not enjoy them.  Reconnect with friends you have not seen or heard from in a while because your spouse did not like them.  Find new friendships.  Divorce is not just an ending it is a beginning.  Accept mistakes you made learn from them and then move on.

As trite as it sounds, all things do get better with time.  It is hard to believe when you are going through the anger and disappointment of divorce.  It is difficult getting used to being alone again or being afraid that you will always be alone.  One day when you are doing some routine task, you will realize that you are happier now then you were when you were living in a dying relationship.  No one wants a divorce, but it is better than an unhappy marriage.

Treat Your Divorce Like a Business Deal

You need to treat your divorce like a business deal—because that is the way your husband will.  A marriage is nothing more than a contract. Divorce is nothing more than the dissolution of that contract.

Do your research! Read “The Divorce Survival Guide for Women” to learn every aspect of the divorce process. Read the articles and blog posts @www.preparefordivorce.com for even more information.

Consulting with a divorce attorney before you actually need one is the best way to research about what to  expect during the divorce and the divorce process in your state.  This will help you avoid mistakes that could cost you dearly later.

Although it is very important that you hire the best, most experienced divorce attorney that you can afford, you must always remain in control.  Just giving a divorce attorney a retainer and letting him take over is a huge mistake. You need to be involved in every aspect of the divorce process.

Settling your divorce out of court is the ideal situation. You don’t want a judge making the decisions that will affect you the rest of your life. Everyone loses in court—from the cost, emotionally and financially—to the chance of getting a bad judge (and most of them are bad). The only winners are the attorneys!

Cheaters and Infidelity

Do men really cheat on their spouses more than women do—or do they just get caught more often?  Men have always been the ones who are tagged as the “cheaters”—but today the genders are almost equally unfaithful—23% for men and 19% for women according to a professor of family relations at a University in Ontario.

The reasons for infidelity differ.  For women it’s sexual incompatibility and money that makes  a woman more likely to cheat.  And because men are easily aroused and more responsive to flirting, they are more likely to stray.

It is always assumed that people cheat with someone better looking than their current partner. This may not actually be true, according to survey by Victoria Milan, a dating site for married people looking to have an affair. The website polled over 4,000 of their members and found that most people using the site consider their significant others to be more attractive than their affair partners.

Interestingly, the men polled said they consider their significant others superior to their affair partners in other ways as well. Only 30 percent of men cheated with women younger than their current partners, and only a quarter of the men found their mistresses more interesting or more in shape than their partners.

So why cheat at all? Men admitted that they found their mistresses to be more passionate, better listeners and more caring than their significant others.

Over half of the females polled also found their significant others to be more attractive than their affair partners, but 50 percent said their lovers were in better shape. Similar to the men polled, women reported that the person they were having an affair with listen better and are more passionate than their man at home. And a whopping 89.6 percent of the women indicated that the man they’re cheating with makes them feel more appreciated than their significant other.

Some reasons men cheat are that they no longer find their spouse attractive, boredom, a need to escape, and they couldn’t resist the other woman. Same goes for women who cheat. Infidelity is usually more a symptom of bigger issues.

To Divorce or Not to Divorce

To divorce or not to divorce, that is the question!  Many women ask themselves this question when they find out their husband has been cheating on them.  Being the good wife and standing by a cheating husband is not what women want to do anymore.  This despicable behavior is all too common and accepted in our society.

Why don’t men understand that staying faithful is smart and sexy?  Why don’t men understand that straying when you’re a married man is exhibiting a lack of character?  When are men going to think about what they are doing to their families and keep it in their pants!

Unfortunately, there is a double standard in our society.  What’s good for the male is not good for the female.  The only place a husband is going to feel it is in his bank account.  Every woman must be prepared for divorce—just in case.  “The Divorce Survival Guide for Women” will prepare you  “just in case.” www.preparefordivorce.com

Online Dating Can Be Tricky

We’ve all heard of someone who met someone on the Internet and got married—but what about the nightmare stories of people “dating” online—we never hear about those!  Online dating can be very tricky.  You have to learn how to navigate through the spam, the unwanted solicitations and the people who pretend they are someone they aren’t.  There is no way to know the person you are communicating with is for real—and not some sex pervert—or worse.

Use your common sense when the person sends you a message in broken English with bad grammar; if they send you a photo of a handsome man with a great body or a gorgeous woman; if they ask you to video chat or ask for your email address—never video chat or give them your email address; and if they ask you for money or for any personal information—distance yourself as quickly as possible.

Read the person’s profile carefully and try to  do a background check on the person before contacting them. Check them out on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Also be wary of the person who can only see you during the week—they are either married or have another commitment!

Online dating can be tricky. People are less than truthful when it comes to their dating profiles. Men and women lie about different things. They lie through their teeth about physical stature, their race, their wealth, their job, their career, their age, their nationality, and even their marital status.

Whatsyourprice.com surveyed members across the country and found that most New Yorkers lie on their profile. 33 percent of men and 34 percent of women lie on their profile—far more than the national average of 19 percent of men and 27 percent of women. But Washington, D.C. and Atlanta singles are even bigger liars than New Yorkers!

Men are more likely to lie about their salary or their job, about their career, their wealth, whether or not they are smokers, their marital status, their age, showing a recent photo, where they actually live and more. Their entire profile could be one big lie!

Women are more likely to lie about their career, their weight, their nationality, their age, their marital status, showing a recent photo, and more. Their entire profile could also be one big lie!

Pre-Prenuptial Agreement

Pre-prenups also known as cohabition agreements or cohabs are the latest thing.  It’s a dating prenup which has contractual guidelines for relationships and relation-splits.  People want to protect themselves, their property and their pets in case of a  break-up.  They are particularly common in New York where common-law marriages aren’t recognized and unmarried couples are considered legal strangers—unless they have protected themselves with a cohab.

I would strongly suggest that you use an attorney to draw one up for you, especially if you have valuable possessions.  Some of the things to include in your cohab are:  shared property, partner support, pre-relationship or future debts, joint purchases, educational expenses, pets, life insurance, health proxies and joint banking accounts.

You should revisit your cohab whenever a significant life event or change in circumstances occurs in your relationship.

Women are more likely to view cohabitation as a step toward marriage, while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or postpone commitment. The standards for a live-in partner can sometimes be lower than they would be for a spouse.

A Prenup Is A Necessity

No one should get married without a Prenuptial Agreement in place! It doesn’t matter how much or how little you have, you always have to protect yourself!

And second and sometimes third marriages—and the extended families that sometimes come with them—require financial and estate planning. Forty percent of new marriages include at least one spouse who was previously married. A Prenuptial agreement is especially a necessity when getting married after the first time.

There are two key issues every Prenup should address:

The first is how the assets will be divided in the event of a divorce or a death. The time to address this is before you get married. Divorce rates for second marriages, third marriages, etc. are even higher than those for first marriages. While you hope this marriage will work, you just never know. You should have at least three to six months before the wedding to work out the details and have the Prenup finalized.

The second is deciding how your personal accounts and other assets, such as real estate will be kept separate after marriage. It’s crucial that you keep them separate.

Typically a Prenup will spell out what each partner is bringing to the marriage—including income, real estate, retirement savings—and whether each asset will be treated as separate or joint. Most important is that a prenup can shield one partner from any liabilities accumulated prior to the marriage, including student loans, credit card debt, and alimony and/or child support. It is very important that how to treat debt should be decided prior to the marriage and in the Prenup. In the event of a divorce, sometimes courts try to divide debt equally between the two parties. You have to be sure to protect yourself.

Any gifts given during the marriage should not be considered marital assets but should belong to the person receiving the gift.

More than one-third of adults said Prenups make smart financial sense, according to a Harris survey. “The time to plan for a divorce is not when you’re in a state of hate,” says Suzie Orman. You can’t fully protect yourself against a marital heartbreak, but at least you can protect your assets.

Be sure to have a divorce attorney write the Prenup. Just any attorney cannot know the specifics that have to go in one. It has to be done right so there are no loopholes. Unfortunately, in today’s world, Prenups are being challenged in court.